These past few months have gone by with a blink of an eye and its crazy to seem, my little girl just keeps getting bigger on me, growing up, talking, asking questions and wanting to take the world by the grip of her hand. She is no longer my little new born who would just lay there in my arms and look up at her dad and I with such love, she is now my hyper child who every time I walk into the room runs up and hugs me and gives me a kiss saying she loves me like she hasn't seen me in years.
I have been dreading the day for the past few months of when she would ask me the question that I knew would kill me the most, and she did the other night before bed. As I was telling her goodnight she looked up at me and said "Mommy I want Daddy here too" I looked at her and told her that Daddy was at his house and wouldn't be here for bed time. She then said "I want Mommy and Daddy with me now please" I don't know if she realizes what she is saying or what she is thinking, but I knew this day was going to come, just not this soon. The next morning she awoke and came running into my room and woke me up asking "Where is Daddy Mom? Why aren't you both here?" What she doesn't know is that entire night I was up all night, hurting on the inside that I couldn't give her what she wanted the most and what she needed, her family together. I don't know how to explain to my sweet little girl, that I can't give her what she wants, I'm not the one who chooses that. How do you explain to your two year old, that she was born to two really young parents, who tried everything, and just couldn't meet eye to eye, how do you explain to her that her Mommy would do anything in the world to be back with her daddy and give her the family she deserves, and that no matter what the Heavenly Father has a plan for her and to not give up? I want to explain to her why things are the way they are, why she doesn't live with her Mommy and Daddy together, like her cousins or her little friends. I tell her every day that her Mommy and Daddy love her with all of their hearts, and that just because we had a rocky time, that it doesn't mean that we don't care about her. Ever since she started asking me these questions about Daddy and I, my heart has been shattered. I would give up everything that I have to be with her Father and give her the family she deserves. I tell her that Mommy still loves Daddy with all of her heart, but things just aren't working out. I try to explain to her that Daddy is with a nice lady now but she just keeps saying Mommy and Daddy. I don't know what I should do or how to handle this. A couple of really nice Missionaries stopped by my house the other night, and we have been meeting regularly at the church, and talking and I feel such at home when I am with them and the others. As I walk the halls with them I remember when I would go there when I was pregnant and walk those same halls, but with love and care in my heart, but now as I walk those halls, all I do is break down inside more and more every day remembering what I had. Thinking about what Hailey had, and what a happy baby she was. I just have given it all up to the Heavenly Father who I know has a plan for Hailey and I. Will it be the hope that she has and that I have, who knows, but all I can do is go day to day, and try to stay strong for my little girl, who is growing up, and looking like her Daddy more and more every day.
I have been dreading the day for the past few months of when she would ask me the question that I knew would kill me the most, and she did the other night before bed. As I was telling her goodnight she looked up at me and said "Mommy I want Daddy here too" I looked at her and told her that Daddy was at his house and wouldn't be here for bed time. She then said "I want Mommy and Daddy with me now please" I don't know if she realizes what she is saying or what she is thinking, but I knew this day was going to come, just not this soon. The next morning she awoke and came running into my room and woke me up asking "Where is Daddy Mom? Why aren't you both here?" What she doesn't know is that entire night I was up all night, hurting on the inside that I couldn't give her what she wanted the most and what she needed, her family together. I don't know how to explain to my sweet little girl, that I can't give her what she wants, I'm not the one who chooses that. How do you explain to your two year old, that she was born to two really young parents, who tried everything, and just couldn't meet eye to eye, how do you explain to her that her Mommy would do anything in the world to be back with her daddy and give her the family she deserves, and that no matter what the Heavenly Father has a plan for her and to not give up? I want to explain to her why things are the way they are, why she doesn't live with her Mommy and Daddy together, like her cousins or her little friends. I tell her every day that her Mommy and Daddy love her with all of their hearts, and that just because we had a rocky time, that it doesn't mean that we don't care about her. Ever since she started asking me these questions about Daddy and I, my heart has been shattered. I would give up everything that I have to be with her Father and give her the family she deserves. I tell her that Mommy still loves Daddy with all of her heart, but things just aren't working out. I try to explain to her that Daddy is with a nice lady now but she just keeps saying Mommy and Daddy. I don't know what I should do or how to handle this. A couple of really nice Missionaries stopped by my house the other night, and we have been meeting regularly at the church, and talking and I feel such at home when I am with them and the others. As I walk the halls with them I remember when I would go there when I was pregnant and walk those same halls, but with love and care in my heart, but now as I walk those halls, all I do is break down inside more and more every day remembering what I had. Thinking about what Hailey had, and what a happy baby she was. I just have given it all up to the Heavenly Father who I know has a plan for Hailey and I. Will it be the hope that she has and that I have, who knows, but all I can do is go day to day, and try to stay strong for my little girl, who is growing up, and looking like her Daddy more and more every day.
