Growing

My little girl is growing up so fast. She is starting to use 2-3 word sentences, I work with her every day on it. She says "Love you Mommy" every night before bed, and recently sense we started using pull ups she uses her big girl potty 3-4 times a day, and is dry during nap times and even through out the night. The plan is if it keeps going this well to have her out of diapers by her 2nd birthday! Which I already know the theme for her 2nd birthday party! So excited! She is also doing great on her bike! She sits on it every day and has started to realize what the petals are meant for, I will have to post video's of it soon! My baby is growing up...

What to Do, What to Do

So in the past week Hailey has gone under, a Upper Gi, a Bronco, a 104 fever, two seizures, and many many tests. Dr's are having her tested for CF as soon as they can get me scheduled in at the PCH. The chances of her having the illness is very very high at the moment, no cure, no stopping it. Just treating the symptoms and keeping her comfortable. Her life expectancy would also be shorted as I am told. She has had breathing problems since birth, and a chronic case of pneumonia in her lungs. We also found out during her procedures ( they did an allergy panel) that she still has that allergy to Milk, so that means no more milk, cheese, yogurt, ice cream, nothing with Dairy it in. Dr. Ufberg says that they are deadly allergic to it when the number of cells is at 15, her's are at 12. She also has an allergy to Peanuts. We are just now waiting on the biopsy's of the fatty lipids that they found in her lungs, and to find out what the bacteria is that is growing in her lungs, and what we can do to treat it. I keep thinking to myself if I did something during my pregnancy that caused all this, they keep telling me that I did nothing wrong. It's just something that the parents have. Her father needs to be tested for it, and many other things at the request of her doctors, but since he has no interest in showing up for her appointments, or getting tested for anything it makes my nights harder. I have never been as scared as I was when Hailey started seizing in my arms and stopped breathing, and the carelessness in her fathers voice when I called him crying from the ambulance. I thought I was going to loose my daughter that day, and the paramedics were preparing me for that. I thought to myself, how am I suppose to handle this?? I am not ready to think about funeral cost's and preparations for my 16 month old daughter, no mother should have to think about that, ever. Those five men that helped save my daughter, and cared for her that afternoon until he got to the hospital were amazing. I was crying, and shaking as Hailey laid lifeless in my arms, not looking at me, not responding to them poking her feet with pins, her oxygen level was down in the 80's and she was gray. She is doing much better today, but as the doctor put it, she has a ticking time bomb in her, that at any moment could go off, and she could seize again, for a munch longer time, with much worse out comes, and that I need to be prepared for that. I am not allowed to let her temperature get above 99 ever. I am to follow strict medications every day, and pray that while I am away at work, that she is okay. I am doing everything that I possibly can do as a mother, by myself. Some days I just wish her father could understand how serious this is, and try to see her and be by her side through all of this. No child should ever endure everything she has had to go through so far. Many are worse off and with worse conditions, but seeing my daughter stop breathing in front of me was the most horrible feeling I have ever felt.