Christmas 2010

Hailey had a great Christmas this year, Santa was very nice, she got her first tricycle which she will have to wait till Summer to use, by that time we will be moved to our own little house so she will have plenty of room to ride. She also received great tom-boy toys from her step-fathers family, she even got her first Mr. Potato Head! That family warmed up so fast to her, and she did as well. We see them as much as we possibly can.

We even ended up taking her to the Valley of Lights in Prescott Valley, she loved it! I would post photo's of that but they didn't turn out to great. Needless to say we had a great Christmas Day with all the families. Thanks to Arizona's wonderful heat on that day, we even went for a little hike.



We even plan on going and playing in the snow this coming week, depending on what the Pulmonary Specialist has to say on Wednesday!

A new Specialist

Hailey get's to meet a new specialist this month. We are going to see a Pulmonary Specialist to figure out why she is having so many problems with her lungs, and why she is always sick with RSV, or Pneumonia. She has been having problem's, whether small or large, since she was born with her lungs. Her doctor's are getting worried and not sure why her Pneumonia still has not gone away and getting worse. She has been on antibiotics for months, and breathing treatments, and now inhaled steroids. The pulmonary specialist nurse said she is upset that Hailey has not been hospitalized for a straight week to watch her breathing, and her lungs and to get rid of all the problems. I am hoping for some good new's. I want my baby to be healthy :(. We will find out the next step on the 29th.

Hailey and her first surgery

Hailey had her first surgery on Black Friday at 730 in the morning at the Flagstaff Hospital. She had tubes put in both ears. It was a scary morning for me, but I am thankful for Zach for being there. He kept her preoccupied while I got her signed in, and talked to the surgeon and all the many doctors. They had to watch her very carefully during the procedure due to her history with aspiration. I am thankful that they did that. The surgery went fast with no problems. When she was waking up is when she had the problems, it was scary. Finally got her to wake up and calm down almost 45 minutes later, with a Popsicle as well haha. The next day she was great, till that night, her ears started bleeding, and again today they are bleeding, now with vomiting, and she is not wanting to eat. It's starting to worry me, because the dr said actions like this would award her a night in the hospital. I can't do that alone, and can't ask Zach to come with again. I am just hoping my baby get's better and fast.

Hailey and Jealousy

I have recently introduced Hailey to my friend Zach, it went great until......he gave me a hug goodbye. She threw a huge tantrum and I couldn't figure out why?!?

She loves playing with him, he sits there and makes voices, and tickles her, carries her, and does everything and she loves it! Mommy is nothing when Zach is around! She even loves when he teaches her naughty tricks, and Mommy get's upset. They both laugh.


The laughing stop's though, the moment he decides to give me any attention that takes away from her, which could mean talking to, or laughing with Mommy, or hugging Mommy. She is showing signs of major jealousy, or she has a cute little crush :-)

November

Many things have happened in just the few days so far of November:

Hailey likes the swings again


She at not even 14 months old, takes over the local jungle gym like she owns it.
She loves giving mom a heart attack by running up to the top and going down the BIG slide, ALONE!


She has also learned many words, her favorite few being, "Mine, No, Wait, Up, Poop *I shake my head in disgust every time I hear that*, Done, Play, More, Food, Spider, Dog, and many more. My favorite is when I say goodbye to her she yells "No wait Mommy!" I am glad that I spend as many hours as I do working with her on her speech.

Another very big step is *drum roll please*, she has decided she is ready for........


That's right, potty training! She informs me of when she goes, and has used others potties, so I scrapped up my money, and went and bought a potty chair, she has in fact used it 3 times already, and is loving it!

Gone by too fast

This past year has speed by me like a speeding train. Where has the time gone?? Why does every time I blink a whole month passes by me? I feel like the next time I fall asleep I will wake up to Hailey's first day of Pre-School. Then I will blink and she will be experiencing her first crush. But until then, I will enjoy the moments I get to have with my baby, while she is still my baby. I can't believe she turns 1 in less then a week. Tears of joy and sadness fill my heart. I could never imagine the joys of being a parent until the moment I looked into her eyes for the first time. I know that she will be the one person who I can always trust to love me at the end of the day.

New Chapter of Life

These past few months have been rocky, in fact for most days they were horrible one day to another. I have grown to learn many things about myself and about others, I have learned what is most important in life, aside to being happy. I also have gotten my eye's back on track for school, which is a goal I was shooting for before I became pregnant. Days are slowly getting easier, but then there are those days that I just want to cry. For what I have gone through in the past 3 months I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I have lost friends, my best friend, and when my friends give me good news about them, its hard to be happy, for unlike others, I have constant reminders of what I went through, the happiness, the adventures and the heart break.

For Hailey, she got her first tooth June 25th 2010, and as of today August 26th 2010 she has both middle top/bottom teeth, and my monster is walking. She waves bye and hello, and says bye bye. She is almost a year old and I cannot believe that.

I'm hoping that the next year brings happiness and joy in more ways then one for people, I am not holding much hope on myself for much, because I have a lot of changing to do and learning before I am worthy of anything. I just hope I can feel that warm feeling once again.

First Vacation

Hailey and I took our first vacation (since she was born) and we went all the way to California!

I know a long drive! And I did it by myself, I have never driven there before. It was a fun week! Hailey didn't like the feeling of the wet sand very much

We also went on our very first train ride!


I think this one explains itself lol








We had lots of fun, she experienced her first 4th of July, first train ride, first subway ride, and first time at the beach, and first vacation. All before she turned 1!

Finally?!

My darling Hailey finally has just enough hair to do a few things with. Not much, but enough to distinguish her from a boy for those random strangers. She sits still for me, unless I'm doing pig tails, then she is a wiggle worm. Along with her fast growing hair, she finally sprouted a tooth as well :-). Though she won't let me take a picture of that one lonely tooth, I will one day.

Hailey 8.5 months old

I can't believe my daughter is almost 9 months old, just that much closer to being a year! Everyone told me how time would fly when you have children, but I never thought things would be going this fast, I remember when her little stump fell off her belly button when she was only a week old. I remember her first smile, and her first laugh.She is a daddies girl, no doubt about it. Her face lights up when she see's him, and when he leaves she is so upset. To see her and her father together makes a smile come upon my face. We saw her crawl for the first time together, and I can't wait until we see her take her first steps by herself, which can be any day now.


Before I know it Shane and I will be taking Hailey to her first day of preschool, then she will doodling her name with some boys name all over her notebooks at school, and telling us that we aren't "cool" parents any more. I can't wait to hear her say I love you to me and her father, or just to say more then Mamma and Dadda lol.

It pulls at my heart to think of how fast my little girl is growing up, I can't wait to see what she will be like when she is a toddler then a young lady. She will always bring a smile on her father and my face.

No Longer Highschoolers!

Congrats to Shane and Shawn for graduating High School this year! You guys did great!

Pain

Have you ever stopped to think, why do the ones you love hurt you the most?? Well I did, and I still can't seem to grasp the answer. I was blind to the problems, I wanted something to go right in my life for once that I ruined it. I tried so hard to be perfect for someone, when in the end I made them miserable, and in the end myself. I have never felt this much of pain before. It feels like my heart is seriously gone. I thought I would never have to feel this pain again when I met him, boy was I wrong. To think I have to wake up and see our daughters face every morning, and be reminding of the pain for the rest of my life doesn't seem possible. But I have to push through it, I have to survive for her. She is my world now, she is the only one I need to worry about making happy. Is this going to effect her? I believe it will effect her in every way possible. She will know Mommy and Daddy aren't together because Mommy screwed everything up. She will be one of those kids who has to go back and forth to different houses however many times a month or a year. I never wanted this life for her, I wanted her life to be as perfect as possible, but instead I ruined any chance of that. I never thought I would have to speak the words, or label myself a "Single Parent"

In the past when this type of thing happened to me I would wish that the certain person would feel how I felt, or that karma would catch up to them. But this time is different. This guy is different. I want him to be happy. I want him to find the girl he will actually spend the rest of his life with. I would never wish him to feel the pain that I feel, because I know how badly it hurts.

For me on the other hand, I don't think I will ever be able to move on. I loved him and I still do. I thought he was the one. I gave him my whole heart. I have nothing left to give to any one. And besides who would want to be with a Single Parent. Who wants to support another person's child if they have nothing left to give them. Whether this pain will go away or not in time, I don't know. But I do know that it will probably take the next 18 years.

Every time I look into our daughters eyes, I remember the first time I saw him, the first time we hung out. And the moment I laid eyes on OUR creation, the child that had BOTH of us in her. Those were the perfect moments in my life. My happiest moments. My last happiest moments I will probably have.

I am sorry for everything I had done to him, I am sorry that I didn't listen more, or that the stress of taking care of a child practically by myself got to me. I have said I am sorry a thousand times, and I will say it a thousand more.

Vent

I have been needing to vent for a while..

Why does it seem that when things should be looking up, instead they are spinning down further and further, deeper in the black hole?

On a better note, Hailey NO long spits up. They found out that anything she eats or drinks that has a thinner consistency then honey or nectar, it comes back out of her stomach, sits on her vocal cords, and slowly drips in her lungs. So the diagnosis is was that she has had pneumonia for the whole short 7 months she has been in this world. After adding things to thicken her feedings she is doing much better, now to just get over the double ear infection hump. I am hoping by her first birthday she will be healthy for once, and maybe not have her milk protein allergy. I am already starting to plan her first birthday! I know where it will be held and the theme of the whole deal. Now to just pick one of the dozen invites that i have chosen as a favorite on a website that I love! And order them, and figure out how many people to invite!

This past year has gone by so fast! I wouldn't trade anything for it. Tough times have came, some to stay and some have left. We learn from the things that go wrong in our life, I just wish there was a easier way to learn those lessons, instead of having the heartbreak, hurt, and countless hours of tears and sleepless nights. I have also been blessed with great times with friends, and family. I have witnessed my daughter grow, she started crawling at 7 months and saying "momma" and "dadda" at 6 months. We're still waiting on those teeth, and hair but those too will come with time.

She loves frozen strawberries and blueberries

She loves trying to follow our dogs out the dog door to play. Needless to say I always catch her, and our dogs don't seem to like her now that she crawls, maybe it's because she eats there food, pulls their hair, and chases them. Why they don't love any of that I don't know, because she does all those things to me, but I still love her!

She doesn't like getting photo's taken of her late at night, especially if she is naked, and if its done by her Aunty Jennifer, who kisses her way to much in Hailey's opinion.

She loves sticking anything into her mouth that she possibly can, including shoes.

I loved her from the moment she came into this world, even through all the sleepless nights, and visits to the hospitals. She is silly, she crawls flat footed not letting her knees touch the ground. She may be somewhat hairless, and have fat legs or cheeks. But she is my Hailey bug.

I could write for days about her, but I think I will end it here, for I believe she is getting hungry because she is trying to chew on my toes!

Orange

This is after a little wipe up, and only about 4 bites. I tried to save the high chair cover so its off. "I think orange suits me! Don't you?" - Hailey

Tonight is bath night btw

Sorry

I am sorry to announce that Shane and my wedding has been canceled. He realized that it was to soon for him and that he was not ready. Whether we will ever get married I don't know it's up in the air at the moment. Sorry for such short notice.

Hailey is officially a crawler

Aunt Jennifer got her to crawl for her phone! Took many attempts for her to do it because she saw my camera

Pic's by Jennifer

Jennifer was nice enough to take pictures for Shane and I. We even got a few with Hailey in them.








































































We love this picture of her, she loved being at the Clark Dale park with us!

A Lazy Evening at River Front Park

I decided that Hailey and I needed to get some fresh air while daddy was at work so I took her to the park the other evening to take some pictures and to play. We sat down on a nice big blanket in the sun and played and listened to an older gentleman play his guitar with a nice cool breeze.



Yes I know its a sideways picture but I love this one of her and I.


She thinks its funny to stick her tongue out at me! What a little stinker!



She is such a little poser :-) my daughter loves the camera!

There is that tongue again!

Queen Creek 3/2010

Shane, Hailey and I took another trip out to Queen Creek to see the family! We even went and saw some ducks and geese ( which we later found out she was allergic to their feathers :( )



We went and met Camdyn for the first time! What a cutie pie! The little angel does have a pair of lungs on her though!

Shane is holding Camdyn while Uncle Preston is holding Hailey ( 6 months old), it brings back crazy memories looking at Shane holding that little one!




Jaxon had a blast seeing his cousin! And so did Hailey, they kept cracking up at each other!

We also met up with Will, Tara and their newest addition Swayer at a Greek restaurant to celebrate Will's birthday.


We had so much fun visiting with Dad and Deb, Heather, Preston, Jaxon and Camydn, Will, Tara and Sawyer.

It's crazy seeing how fast Hailey has grown up!

Visiting the famliy in Queen Creek

Hailey and I took a trip down to Peoria and Queen Creek to see another part of Shane's family. We met up with Jennifer and Wes, Heather and Preston and Jaxon, and Dave and Deb.

We all met up at Red Robin for a nice dinner

Hailey loves her Auntie Heather and Uncle Preston ( ignore Hailey's little bald spot)







She was checking everyone out














She didn't seem to pleased with her cousin Jaxon though, all he wanted was a hug and a kiss, but she was just not for it =(













Her Uncle Wes gave her a french fry. Her very first one, and everyone there could tell you she loved them! It was funny.













After dinner Dad and Deb had to go home, the rest of us went down the road to the mall, got Shane a new hat, and Hailey's ears pierced. Her Aunt Heather and Aunt Jennifer sat with her, for I couldn't handle it. She did great!










And then it was off to bed!

Hailey and Collin

Hailey and I went to the park back in Jan. 10' with a friend of mine and her son Collin.
We all had a blast, and those two were so cute together! She is older by about 2 months.

Some body doesn't like kisses!



We had lots of fun, those two get along so great! And Kim (Collin's mother) is one of my brides maids in my wedding.